Are Babies Made of 1 Part Rum, 10 Parts Vodka Because I've Been Hungover for a Looooong Time!

I've never been hungover for more than a day...until now. By my estimation, I was suffering from a terrible hangover for approximately 8 weeks. Of course I didn't get to enjoy a week, or even one night, of rowdy drunkness. Nope. Each morning the sun would peek through my window while the dogs paced frantically and I would lay there...and lay there...and roll over...and lay there some more. With one eye open and one leg dangling over the edge of the bed I would desperately reach for my saltines and a glass of water (the glass that I unfortunately emptied in the middle of the night during an "I'm going to vomit" or "I think I'm having a heatstroke" episode). With no water in sight I spent a good 15 minutes grinding dry saltines into a fine powder while I tried to swallow. I often had flashes of being stranded in the desert.

When I finally dragged myself out of bed I spent the next hour staring into cabinets and the refridgerator looking for something that I could eat. I never did find much of anything that I could tolerate for more than a few bites. A few hours later I would simply pass out wherever I might be at the time (the car, the couch, my parents living room floor). I would wake and the cycle would repeat until the evening when I couldn't sleep because our bedroom went from 50 to 100 degrees in mere seconds. The 15 or so trips to the bathroom each night also put a little damper on my evenings.

I can say this with a big grin on my face today because the every-second-of-the-f'ing-day sickness seems to be behind me. I had heard about "morning sickness", seen it in movies, and even heard a few of my friends bitch about it a little. I was in no way prepared for how truly terrible it was. Some days I may have even been a bit delerious. Don't belive me? At one point I was convinced that somehow babies and a tall stiff drink were molecularly similar, hence the hangover...See? Delerious! I rest my case.